Abusive Relationships - What to Watch For : Abusive Relationships

[InRelationship]

What is Abuse?

Abuse is defined as “the physical, psychological or sexual maltreatment of a person or animal.” Abuse is about power and control. In a relationship between two people, abuse is never acceptable and is never justifiable.

Abuse can come in a variety of forms. It can be physical, emotional, mental, verbal and financial. It can happen between lovers, spouses, parents and children, siblings or friends. It can be very obvious and overt or it can be subtle and cunning. Abuse usually starts out gradually and builds. It is almost always followed by grand apologies and professions of love. Abuse happens in cycles and it rarely happens once.

What are Some of the Tools of Abuse?

There are many tools of abuse. Isolation is classic. An abuser will usually try to isolate his victim away from friends and family. By doing so, it is easier to intimidate the victim and keep her feeling alone and dependent. Abusers will degrade their victims, calling her names, telling her she is fat, ugly, stupid, a whore and a host of other vile things. Abusers will repeat these painful accusations over and over many times- brainwashing the victim into believing it must be true. Abusers will often demand to know where their partners have been virtually every minute of their day. They will insist on detailed accounts of where their victim goes, who they see, what they do, how much money they spend and on what- every detail must be related and explained to the satisfaction of the abuser. The problem is, the abuser is rarely, if ever satisfied.

Another tool that an abuser will use is financial control. In addition to having to account for every penny that is spent, the victim will rarely be allowed any money of her own. An abuser likes to make his victim ask, or even beg, for money for the smallest items- groceries, cigarettes, even personal items like tampons and toothpaste. When he does give her money, he will often make her feel guilty for asking in the first place. He will belittle her for not having her own money- even though he may not allow her to work in the first place. If she does have a job, an abuser will often show up at her place of employment and create ugly arguments and scenes and then blame her for embarrassing him in front of her co-workers.

But He Doesn’t Hit Me, So How Can I Be Abused?

Abuse rarely starts out as a physical behavior. Instead, it usually starts out with things like jealous rages, anger over imagined slights, name-calling and character insults. Often, in the early stages of an abusive relationship, the constant phone calls, insistence on going everywhere together and jealousy over time spent with anyone else can seem to be signs of devotion. It can be flattering to think that just because someone smiles at you in the grocery store, your partner sulks for hours. “He must really love me, to be so jealous” is a common thought for abuse victims. When the abuse does move into the physical realm, it isn’t unusual for the abuser to explain away his behavior by saying “If I didn’t love you so much, I wouldn’t have to hit you to keep you from doing things wrong.” As backwards as this kind of reasoning is, when you are in the midst of an abusive relationship, it can make perfect sense.

What Can an Abuse Victim Do?

Tell someone. Call your local shelter or battered women’s hotline. Make a plan to get out safely. Put away some money in a private stash whenever you can. Keep an extra set of keys hidden. Keep your personal identification- drivers license, social security numbers, and bank account numbers- in one place so you can locate it easily. The most important thing to remember though, is leaving isn’t easy and it isn’t often done without real danger. That is why it is so important to talk to an advocate at a hotline to help you talk the steps to get safe and stay safe. Call a friend, a family member, a clergy member or a police officer and tell them what is happening. Don’t be ashamed of being a victim. It isn’t your fault. No one deserves to be abused. No one is abused because “they like it.” No one “has it coming.” Abuse is wrong and it’s a crime. If you are in an abusive relationship, take steps today to leave. Tomorrow may be too late.

[loveslave]

One good thing about online dating is that you don't have to worry whether or not the computer is going to throw the mouse at you. It won't. Or whether it will overheat and lock itself in the bathroom. All these problems are common in many relationships and most abusive relationships that turn deadly start out just like this. Look for the little signs that tell you a person has an emtional problem that is going to lead to physical abuse. Some of these issues arise when going out to eat ( he won't let you roder what you want), at the gorcery store, when he want to buy only food that he likes. These abusive problems are not only physically hurting but emtionally.

[loveslave]

One good thing about online dating is that you don't have to worry whether or not the computer is going to throw the mouse at you. It won't. Or whether it will overheat and lock itself in the bathroom. All these problems are common in many relationships and most abusive relationships that turn deadly start out just like this. Look for the little signs that tell you a person has an emtional problem that is going to lead to physical abuse. Some of these issues arise when going out to eat ( he won't let you roder what you want), at the gorcery store, when he want to buy only food that he likes. These abusive problems are not only physically hurting but emtionally.

[trtyau3]

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Dating Services

[enthonydiosta]

Women dealing with abusive relationships may find themselves feeling all alone and isolated. Talking with friends isn't easy because they might not understand what you're dealing with at home, or they wouldn't believe that your partner is more than just a jerk. They might ask you why you don't just leave. If only it were that simple.

Continuing abuse and controlling behavior can tear down a woman's self worth until it seems impossible to leave or change. While there are no easy answers, the following information can help you understand and deal with the dynamics of abusive relationships.

[enthonydiosta]

Women dealing with abusive relationships may find themselves feeling all alone and isolated. Talking with friends isn't easy because they might not understand what you're dealing with at home, or they wouldn't believe that your partner is more than just a jerk. They might ask you why you don't just leave. If only it were that simple.

Continuing abuse and controlling behavior can tear down a woman's self worth until it seems impossible to leave or change. While there are no easy answers, the following information can help you understand and deal with the dynamics of abusive relationships.



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