One of the most difficult things to do is to apologize in a relationship. We have all needed to do it and we have all needed someone to apologize to us. Why, then, is learning to apologize in a relationship so difficult? We have plenty of opportunities to practice, so shouldn’t it get easier? The good news is that it can be easier- if we are willing to do one small thing.
Apologizing in a relationship is perhaps the single most powerful tool for creating a relationship with the depth and foundation necessary to last a lifetime. So how do we learn to apologize without feeling like we would rather chew glass? Simple- we lower our expectations.
This doesn’t mean that we should accept behaviors that are painful, thoughtless or abusive. It means that when we are hurt or angry, it is easy to feel a bit (or a lot!) self-righteous. When we begin to coddle our own ego, and give a lot of emotional weight to our own feelings, the scale with which we measure our expectations of others rises proportionately. This is the area where we need to consider lowering our expectations. It’s all too easy to nurture our hurt feelings into a place that demands an apology greater than what the original offense merits.
When we are feeling vulnerable and hurt, we need to remember that everyone, including ourselves, is capable of saying and doing things that are hurtful to another person. Most often in an argument, both parties are guilty of saying things that they wish they would not have. Most of us have at one point or another done something thoughtless or even downright cruel or uncaring. Rather than honestly admitting our mistakes, however, we can justify our own point of view until we are convinced that we are solely in the right and the other person is flat out wrong.
If we lower our expectations of the person we are involved with, what we are really doing is acknowledging that this special person in our life is capable of being human. They make mistakes, they act without thinking, they just plain mess up now and then. If we can keep our perspective and realize that we have done the same, we may not need anything more than their willingness to admit their error and sincerely tell us they didn’t intend to hurt us. If that apology is backed up with an honest effort to avoid making the same mistake again, we can then decide to forgive the wrong and move forward with the relationship.
The next time you are the one who needs to apologize in your relationship, do so immediately. Don’t wait and let the hard feelings have a chance to build into a grudge. Don’t look for reasons to justify what you have done. Simply tell your loved one you realize you blew it, you know that you are fortunate to have them in your world and you will work harder in the future to avoid hurting them again. Then follow your words up with some honest action. Take the time to find a way to show your significant loved one how much they mean to you. Write a love note on the bathroom mirror in lipstick. Do the dishes, even if it isn’t your job. Make a list of all the reasons you fell in love with that person in the first place. Wash the car, walk the dog, make breakfast in bed. It doesn’t really matter what you do-it just matters that you do something to show them that they really matter to you and that you didn’t intend to cause them pain.
Apologizing in a relationship doesn’t have to be difficult. It can be the easiest thing you ever do. Simply remember that every one makes mistakes and usually we don’t honestly mean to hurt one another. There is a cliché` that is wise to keep in mind when apologies are needed in any relationship- do you want to be right or do you want to be in a relationship? Being right can wind up being awfully lonely. Go ahead- apologize when you should. Then get back to the business of living happily ever after.
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There are lots of people who do not want to admit that they are wrong. Now I think hearing a guy actually saying he is sorry just makes things better. A nice hug and kiss is always a nice way to top things off.
Once they apologize then you should just put it behind and move on. There really is not reason to to always be bringing up what happened. That really means YOU did not REALLY forgive them and will of course put a strain on your relationship which may lead to ending of the relationship. If you accept the apology then it is done and over with. Move on. Really life is just to short to be miserable.
your right, no one likes to admit when they are wrong but you really are a better person when you do. In my eyes anyway!
 Life is too short and more people really have to realize this. you only get one life and what and how you mak it through is totally up to you but you better act quick before life passes you by. No one should ever go to bed mad! another no in my book! 
Very sage advice. Apologizing is important, but as hinted at here... don't be idle about it. The sooner one comes to terms with their mistake and is ready to admit to it, the better.
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