Dating an Older Man: Is he a “Man-of-the-World” or a “Cradl : Old Men

[Barbie]

In the “old days” back when it was called a “May-September” romance, it simply meant that one partner in a couple was significantly older than the other. Nowadays, there are other names for it, and they usually aren’t quite so kind… “Cradle Robber” and “Fetus Humper” would be ones that come to mind.

The truth is there are many reasons why a younger woman might prefer an older gentleman, and vice versa. Let’s look at the pros and cons separately, shall we?

From a younger woman’s perspective, an older man is more experienced in the ways of the world, perhaps better educated, better established, with a very good job and earning an exceptional income (could she be a gold digger, then, you have to wonder?); personality-wise, older men tend to be sweeter, more patient and understanding; they know what they want, but aren’t demanding about it. And they definitely can be very sexy in their own right. Younger woman may tend to look at men their own age as immature, only worrying about how quickly they can get her into bed. Older men would have to “seduce” a younger woman, and that can be very nice, indeed, if done well.

On the negative side, again, from a younger woman’s perspective, you and he will not share a lot of common ground; there may be life style differences, differences in moral outlooks, the tastes in music, food, books, etc. In terms of current events, you won’t have the same historical remembrances – if he talks to you about where he was on the day Kennedy was shot, and you respond, “Ted Kennedy? When did that that happen?” you know you’ve got at least a generation gap between you. And you have to realize, that, depending on how many years separate you, you may not have the chance to grow old together, especially if he’s already finished his “growing.”

From an older man’s perspective, dating a younger woman is wonderful for the ego trip; “trophy” girlfriend or wife as a status symbol. But that’s the just superficial side of it. There are other things that men look for in a younger woman. What I’m talking about it this – a younger woman makes you feel younger, more alive, more alert. Now, I’m not suggesting getting rid of gray hair or dressing emo, but you’ll find that you take up more physically stimulating activities, take better care of yourself, maybe eat healthier, exercise more. And that, too, can feed the ego. People will say that this relationship must agree with you, because you look so much younger!

Now, the downside, from an older man’s point of view, is the uncertainty of the future. How can you be sure she likes you for you, and not for your money? There’s that gold-digger issue again. And how well can you relate to her, not just from the generational and current events perspective, but from an intellectual standpoint? Will she be your “intellectual sparring partner” or is she only capable of talking about sitcoms and organic food.

Here’s a big negative from both perspectives: Condemnation. There will be a great deal of people who will, either openly or surreptitiously, denounce your relationship. This can come from your family, your friends, your co-workers; heck, even people on the street are likely to chime in their opinion. Can you gracefully handle the inevitable encounter when someone assumes that you’re a father and his daughter? And speaking of daughters, what if his daughter (or son) is your age? How will his children and her parents react and relate?

Older men and younger women; no getting around it, it’s a sticky situation. That’s not to say that it’s an impossible relationship. Take a look at Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones – that’s 25 years difference – they don’t look any worse for the wear, and their marriage is still going strong.