Drunk Girls 101: Educate yourself : Drunk Girls

[josher]

Drunk girls are wild, spontaneous, available and approachable. This seems like a good thing to the more timid men—it’s easier when the girl meets you half way—but dater beware, Drunk Girls are not for everyone. If you’re going to get involved with a Drunk Girl you better be well educated about the dangers and benefits—read on and be better off for it.

WHO IS A DRUNK GIRL

If you’re in college you’ll be hard pressed to date a girl who isn’t drinking three to four days a week, but this doesn’t necessarily make her a “drunk girl.” A drunk girl has at least two out of the following three characteristics:

1) A Drunk Girl has two personalities. When you see her at the bar she is the life of the party, hitting on guys and getting hit on, but sit next to her in a lecture hall and she’s transformed. Now she’s in sweat pants and won’t make eye contact.
2) A Drunk Girl doesn’t have a boyfriend. Not a real one. She probably sees three to four guys, sleeping with all of them at irregular interludes. These guys probably fight each other often, but are content with the arrangement. She’s about drama, not commitment.
3) A Drunk Girl likes to dance… on top of things. Everybody is allowed to get too drunk now and then, but this girl is on top of the pool table kicking all your pool balls into the pockets every Friday night—that’s $0.75 down the drain!

WHEN TO “DATE” A DRUNK GIRL

If you’re on the rebound, go ahead. It isn’t a real relationship anyway, go have some fun then feel guilty and call your ex up and ask her to come back to you. Not looking for commitment? Perfect. As long as you don’t mind an occasional black eye from one of her other suitors, listening to her lie to you repeatedly, and occasionally leading you on then going home with one of the other guys at the end of the night. Hey, sharing is good, right?

If you’re in a nihilistic stage of your life, or just having fun at school with no desire for a future relationship, you’ve got the green light. But be careful: remember it’s all just a game and keep feelings out of it. And use protection.

WHEN NOT TO “DATE” A DRUNK GIRL

Are you emotional? Have a record of falling in love with your female best friend then being told “I thought we were just friends?” when you admit your feelings? Stay far, far away. This girl will chew you up and eat you for breakfast, then leave your heart bleeding outside the dance club in the snow. If you tend to start imagining your children’s names after you sleep with a girl then don’t get involved. This is bad news for you, my friend.

THE REAL DANGER

There’s a girl in your psych class that you like. She’s nice, she even knows your name and sometimes asks to copy your homework—then one night you find her at the bar wasted with all her friends and admirers. She’s all over you, flirting, asking for a big hug like you’re best friends from way back when. You think, “This is my chance, thank you God!”

Run my friend. Run and do not look back. When you develop feelings for a Drunk Girl before even sleeping with her, and then end up together in the bar, you’ve got your heart in a blender and she’s just waiting for you to plug it in so she can liquefy it. Don’t do it. Just don’t.

CONCLUSION

Drunk Girls are a “buyer beware” sort of deal. If you know the risks and are ok with that, you might just have the time of your life. But be educated, be smart, and most of all, be honest with yourself.