How to Build Healthy Relationships : Relationships

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You know those people who call each other “schnookums” and seem to be attached at the hip? You look at them and wonder if that’s what it takes to build healthy relationships. Not to worry. Healthy romantic relationships are built on the same basic foundation as the ones you have with your close friends and family.

Whether you’re just starting out or trying to turn around a relationship on the fritz, you’ve got the same road to follow – committing yourself to the seven ingredients of healthy relationships.

Honesty

Healthy relationships are built on honesty, here’s why:
• You can never be truly happy if you bottle up your real feelings. Unhappy people don’t make good partners.
• Honesty allows you to deal with potential problems before they get out of hand.
• Being honest with your partner gives them the opportunity to really know you.
• When you’re honest, you realize that you can express your innermost thoughts and still be loved.
• Do unto others…would you want to be lied to?
Trust
Relationships that lack trust are headed on a one-way trip to Splitsville. Like honesty, trust is always touted as a key ingredient of healthy relationships – let’s take a look why that’s true:
• You can’t be honest with someone you don’t trust.
• Lack of trust leads to insecurity. Insecure people are unhappy and worry all the time. Their partner will grow weary of constantly having to reassure them that everything is fine.
• The person who’s being mistrusted will become defensive.
• In relationships, you have to trust your partner with more than just your heart. You have to trust them with money, your children, and your personal safety.
Communication

People in healthy relationships talk to one another. To build a life with someone, you have to share your feelings, your dreams, and your fears. To stay together and avoid conflict, you also have to open up about your concerns and speak up when you’re upset.

The best relationships are the ones in which both partners have taken the time to become great communicators. Here’s are some of the ways to improve the communication in your relationship:

• Listen more than you talk.
• Focus on what the other person is saying instead of planning your response while they’re talking.
• Recap what the other person said to be sure that you understand.
• Use body language that demonstrates that you’re listening – eye contact, open posture, nodding.
• Make statements that focus on your feelings and needs rather than pointing fingers. For example, “It would help if you watch the kids for an hour when you get home from work” instead of “You leave me with all the responsibility for raising our children.”

Productive arguments

No one will tell you that healthy relationships are conflict-free. Even the happiest of couples argue. The important thing is arguing the right way. These are the top five rules for fighting fair:

1. Aim for a win-win outcome: In a win-win situation, you arrive at a solution that leaves both parties equally happy. There’s no loser.
2. Talk about specific behaviors rather than attacking personalities: Name calling and sweeping generalizations about perceived character flaws are not conducive to resolving an argument. Instead of “You’re such an inconsiderate jerk,” try “It really hurt my feelings when you forgot my birthday.”
3. Pick the right time: You’re both more likely to snap at each other if you try to talk about problems when you’re tired or stressed out. Set aside some quiet time for an uninterrupted heart-to-heart talk.
4. Listen without interrupting: Both people deserve a chance to be heard. Lots of misunderstandings occur when you only know half the story.
5. Focus on one issue: Limit your discussion to one issue. You can’t resolve three problems at once. It’ll be a mixed up, jumbled up mess, and you’ll get nothing accomplished.

One last tip: Plenty of arguments could be avoided altogether with a simple “I’m sorry.”

Support

Be your partner’s biggest cheerleader. One of the best things about relationships is knowing that you don’t have to face problems alone. Always take time to let your partner know that you’re behind them all the way.

Asking for what you need

Your partner isn’t a mind reader. You’ll be sorely disappointed if you expect them to meet your needs by picking up on your subtle “hints.” In healthy relationships, both partners get what they need from one another – and they get it because they ask for it.

Romance and excitement

All relationships fall into the occasional rut. Be proactive about keeping your relationship fresh and exciting. Plan a date night or take up a new hobby together. Leave each other little surprises and love notes. Reminisce, be silly, and make time to have fun.

Building healthy relationships boils down to the seven essentials outlined above. It’s all about talking, being emotionally present in the relationship, and doing the things that say “You know what? I really do like you!”