If you want that girl, don't think too much : Girls

[josher]

Everyone has a story that goes something like this:

You met the perfect girl, she responded to all your flirting and charm, and she said you could give her a call. You started hanging out, things were going great, but then, without anything actually going wrong, everything went wrong! It isn’t her fault, she was just behaving how she has always behaved, talking to friends and other guys, doing things with her friends without you every now and then—hey, she’s a normal girl! But then you ruined it by getting worked up and paranoid by interpreting everything as a sign she didn’t really like you. This led you to be too possessive, then you got upset, got in a fight with her before you were really “with” the girl, and bam, its over.

As men we can ruin our chances with girls, and even long-standing relationships, by over-thinking and over-analyzing everything our girl does. Once you cross into this territory it’s hard to go back, and ruin is just on the horizon.

This has nothing to do with how smooth we are, or how good looking, or anything related to our “skills” with girls. You could be Brad Pitt, but if you let your mind spin out of control you can still mess up a perfect relationship with a really great girl.

In the hopes of aiding my fellow man (and I suppose this applies equally to girls), I’ve put together a short list to help calm your thoughts before you can start analyzing your lady’s behavior to death!

1) Nobody wants to spend every minute of the day with the same person. If you think about this you’ll agree. No matter how much you like this girl, there are days you just want to hang with the guys, or need to put in some extra hours at work or in the library to keep on top of your responsibilities. The only time we want to spend every minute of every day with a girl is when we want to monitor her, and we only want to monitor someone when we don’t trust them. This stems from a lack of confidence at it’s root. If you want to have healthy relationships, you need to loosen up, if it’s going to work its going to work, your hanging over her shoulder every second cannot prevent the inevitable—it will only bring it on faster.

2) When she says she has something else to do (homework, girl’s night out), she really does! So don’t even let your mind wander. We all have a ton of responsibilities in life. Accept it and carry on.

3) Words are just words—people don’t send secret messages. This is especially important to keep in mind during the “courting” phase of a relationship. When we really like someone, we try to find little signs she likes us too, or just the opposite, that we don’t stand a chance. Most people don’t speak in riddles with the hope you can crack the code. We’re mostly simple people, especially when flirting. Don’t repeat something your girl said over and over in your head until you come to the conclusion that “I like to ski, too” was really her way of saying “I slept with your best friend last night and tomorrow I’ll do it again!”

4) Only worry about the things you can control. For example, you can make sure you’re on time, that you don’t smell bad, that you’re always smiling and being polite, that you aren’t overbearing, etc. What you can’t control is how this girl feels about you, what her other hobbies are, how she likes to spend her time when she isn’t with you, etc.. If we waste all our time worrying about these things we’re going to cripple ourselves with stress and doubt.

Now, turn off that brain, and enjoy your time with that girl. If you're willing to be disappointed, most of the time you won’t be!