Paul Simon tells us that there are 50 ways to leave your lover. You can slip out the back, Jack, or make a new plan, Stan. What Mr. Simon failed to mention is that if you make a list of 50 ways to end relationships, 49 of them will be bad. An honest, face-to-face conversation is the only mature way to end a relationship.
The wrong ways to end relationships
Phone, email, etc: Technology has made our lives easier, and it’s made break-ups easier, too. But the easy way isn’t always the right way. The absolute worst ways to end relationships? Phone, email, text message, voicemail, and IM. Totally wimpy.
Lame, cliché lines: You know which lines I’m talking about – the ones that people have been recycling since the first Cro-Magnon man broke up with his girlfriend. Let’s count them down:
4. “I need some space.”
3. “I think we should see other people.”
2. “Let’s just be friends.”
1. And the award for worst break-up line of all time goes to… “It’s not you. It’s me.”
Pulling the disappearing act: Sure, it’s tempting to just dodge the person’s phone calls and hope they’ll “get the hint.” But you’ll spend the next month looking over your shoulder, and they’ll spend it frustrated and confused.
Forcing the other person to break up with you: Instead of doing the deed yourself, you just spend a couple of weeks being as mean, gross, and/or inconsiderate as possible. You hope that your obnoxious behavior will be enough for the other person to end the relationship. It’s one of the worst ways to end relationships because, in the end, you’re the bad guy. And again, it’s pretty darn wimpy.
The one and only right way to end a relationship
When it comes down to it, straight-forward, face-to-face conversations are the right way to end relationships. That’s probably the last thing you wanted to hear, right? Breaking up in person can be an awkward, unpleasant experience. But you’ve just got to cowboy up and do it.
Follow these tips to make it easier:
Think it through in advance: You don’t have to prepare a speech, but you should think through your reasons for ending the relationship. The “why” is going to matter a lot to the other person, and you should have a ready response.
Besides, getting your feelings out in the open will be cathartic. If you feel that you’ve been mistreated, you deserve a chance to say so.
Pick the right location: Sometimes people opt to end a relationship in a restaurant in hopes of avoiding a big emotional scene. Getting dumped in front of a crowd is humiliating. Plus, it could seriously backfire, and the emotional scene could be magnified by 100% because of the audience.
Timing: No one should get broken up with on their birthday. The same goes for major holidays (Christmas = bad, Flag Day = okay). Ruining a special day, and perhaps tainting it forever, is salt in an open wound.
Question and answer time: The other person deserves a chance to respond. They might have questions, they might try to plead and bargain for a second chance, or they might lash out in anger. Give them an opportunity to express their feelings, but you absolutely do not have to endure verbal abuse.
Be honest: Explaining the real reasons you’re ending the relationship is the only way to make it clear that you’re serious and that the relationship is broken beyond repair.
Some people will do anything to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, but there are ways to be gentle. Phrase the truth in terms of “I” rather than “you.” Instead of “you’re too clingy and needy,” try “I need more alone time than you do. I’m just not willing to give up that much of my privacy.”
Exceptions to the in-person rule:
Like most rules, this one has a couple of exceptions. There are two circumstances under which you can, in good conscience, ignore the in-person rule.
Exception #1: A potentially violent response. If your significant other has a quick temper or has exhibited violent or abusive behavior in the past, a break-up could trigger a dangerous outburst. Your safety is your number one priority.
Exception #2: Long-distance relationships. People in long-distance relationships can go months between visits. You can break the in-person rule if waiting for a face-to-face conversation means faking your way through the relationship for an extended period of time.
Paul Simon writes good music, but he doesn’t give such good relationship advice. If you’re pondering all the ways to end relationships and searching for the right one, you can narrow it down pretty quickly. A direct, forthright conversation is the only way to go. It might be tough, but you’ll respect yourself for doing it right.
6 posts • Page 1 of 1
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Ending a relationship virtually can be just a hard as breaking up with a non virtual individual. You go from having so much of your time devoted to that one person and then BAM.... You sit in front of your computer with no one to share you day with. I think that if there are no lies in a relationship then there should be no reason for it to end badly. Relationships normally turn ugly when someone has been caught doing something behind the ohers back, or when one individual needs something the other doesn't. But with out lies there would not be this gap. Both individuals would be clued into everything that is going on.
This page also provides information how to end relationship : http://www.onedatingtips.com/date-ending-note.shtml
Dude! You've left me speechless
 ...that was a really nice one mate….hope we can pull more of this kindBlack Dating
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